Spiffing up the Rav4 trying not to feel cross about the dings that I didn't make and will be charged for plus the disposition fee ugh.... no wait ... I'm able to pay my bills, money comes to me, I am lucky, good things are happening whether I know about them or not
I manicured that car, endlessly vacuuming out the tiny spear headed Doberman hair well fur actually,  The most damage was done when Rebecca -on her one visit to Portland at Thanksgiving- took my car to get the oil changed. She  was gone for 16 hours, say no more ....well I will in a bit, who, in her madness collected remnants of wood with long sharp nails sticking out from  trash put out in the street and shoved them in the Rav 4 , in her madness imaging this rubbish transforming her space into something from Architectural Digest  as she shoved them in the car gouging and scraping gashes which  are not repairable.She also found a black vinyl futon which she balanced precariously on the roof, looking very much like Mr Bean except of course she is a junkie and it wasn't funny. I still love her.
Stell is becoming more communicative.in the morning she will put her head under the covers she makes funny grunty noises to which I respond in kind , we let each other know how we're feeling
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Morning routine is as follows
Grunt
Grunt
Much ear rubbing and oh what a good dog accompanied by wriggles and general happiness
ok I get it   you think we should get up
Stella springs off the bed, I glance at the pads all dry 8 hours sleep uninterrupted awesome, sometimes she alerts me to a wet pad 6 or 7 times  during the night so I wonder why I'm dragging the next day sometimes its hard to get back to sleep the white noise, will the rabbits eat my sweet pea seedlings, what can I sell?what more can I do? my goal is 3 nice things a week for 3 different people in the mail or just doing something nice no response expected, so I puzzle and worry then I stop, breathe in breath out off we go to sleep,no wait she's up again I sit up folding up the pad carefully so it doesn't drip setting it on the wood floor feeling for the pile of pads next to my bed opening it out patting it ok come on back to sleep but first of course she has to sniff and inspect it ....more white noise a firm reprimand to myself to think good thought because if I imagine being without my dog I spiral down into the most intense sadness I do not allow myself to go there...she turns around several times and finally settles.
in the morning its pills and coffee, I make her food Duck and Bartlett pear $75 a bag with ground beef 3 sets of pills that must be taken with food, make my pills, slippery elm  and the others ....let her out, read the Daily Mail, make my to do list.Tomorrow I have 2 hours of gardening for Marra who is 84. $40.
Every day I have a large bag of the pads to dispose of .
The trick is to find a public garbage big enough well the opening has to be big enough to push thru a brown paper grocery bag stuffed to the gills with yes you got it pee pads ..... and to not be seen.
the  I was once... unfortunately the blue looks just like what is...
 medical waste.
more later.. I have to take the Avalon in for fluids, it is scrubbed to perfection inside now, I love it,needs brakes where will the money come from? not going to worry .